Rachel's Hockey Thoughts: A Retelling

Rachel's Hockey Thoughts

This is something I never thought I'd do. But I was convinced (or maybe I had FOMO) to join a women's learn-to-play-hockey group. When I tell you that I am 'very non-athletic', I don't just mean that I'm not the best. I mean that I placed last in every. single. track and field day event every. single. year. in. elementary. school. Yes, I want that to be emphatic. I was picked last for all teams. Was never a valuable player and was generally humiliated in gym class. My things are arts, theatre, music, performing in general. 

Sure, there are things I'm good at: swimming, for example. I was on the high school swim team, but again, was slow and placed last or near the end of each heat. However, that stamina and training led me to become a lifeguard, which I consider an accomplishment for Teenage Rachel and they are life-saving skills that I value having.

Now, back to hockey. I've never played hockey in my life. Maybe floor hockey in gym class? But I can barely skate on ice so I've never in my life played hockey or even worn any type of equipment. But, as I've gotten older, I've made peace with my athletic humiliation, accepted that as a part of 'me' and somewhere along the way, decided that I'm going to try new things every now and then!

I also love telling myself and my kids that, "You are never too old to try new things!" I want them to know that, to be brave and to never doubt that they could be good at something, if they only tried! Forget even being good (I rarely am), just try things!

Alright, so a bunch of my friends have joined this women's learn-to-play group and somehow I've agreed to join. I tell my husband, who is athletic and is also oddly ecstatic that I'm doing this. In fact, I think he's more excited than I am! So much so, that he spent the majority of Christmas break looking for equipment for me and buying everything I need. It was actually very supportive and sweet. But I was nervous, especially as I tried on all my new equipment at home!

By this time, we are several hundred dollars into my new 'hobby', so it's really too late to back out now.

The big day came and I went to my first practice. Dressing yourself for hockey is no joke, people! Many of the moms there said it was no wonder their kids took forever to get dressed/undressed. I was sweating before we even hit the ice! Then I shakily made my way out to the ice and clutched the boards as I slowly lowered myself down.

Good, ok, you've got this. Don't fall.

Of course we start with some laps around the ice, as all pro hockey players do, so I slowly push off the boards and begin my way around. A little more confident than usual, thanks to all my padding. But I know, if I fall down, I'll break a hip and never get back up. This is 41.

Easy does it, Rach.

I love these women, they're all so encouraging! There's lots of, 'Way to gos', and 'well dones' and 'you're doing greats.'

Now, we're gathering at centre ice for some instructions, so I mosey on over.

But wait... I can't stop!

OK don't push too hard, just slow down gently. OK, good. 

I'm stopped but hold on... no I'm not- I keep moving!!

Why am I moving!? How do people stand still without sliding around!? What the actual ****!?

I'll just dig my heel into the ice. There, that anchors me.

My God my feet hurt. Like the arch of my feet. Damn kids. After two pregnancies, my feet went flat and one of them grew half a size. ONE! How the hell do you find shoes that fit when your feet are two different sizes! Remind me to guilt them about that later.

First, we split into two groups: those who can stop and those who can't. I shuffle down to the "I cannot stop" side, and we get a brief lesson on how to do it.

Yeah, this seems ok, I just 'pizza' or push out my right foot because my left foot is obviously useless. C'mon muscles! But at least I'm stopping now. Kind of.

Then we move on to stick handling (or, puck handling? Who knows.) I partner up and we are on opposite sides of the width of the rink. 

Alright, this should be fine. I can slap a puck! WOOOAH!! Stay still! Why can't you stand still on the ice, dummy!? Ugh. OK keep trying, try not to look like such a loser.

By now, my feet are hurting even more and I have to take a break. I see another woman sitting on the bench so I decide this is my time! I join her and the comfort of the hard, cold bench helps me decide that I'm done for the night. Back to the room for beers!

This is the best part! I love hanging out with these girls; no kids, no husbands, we're all sore and commiserating together- fun!

Now we're talking about next week... there's a special guest!

Who could it be?

A legit coach is coming to teach us... POWER SKATING!

OHMYGOD, I think I might die. 

... stay tuned for more!